Menace to Society, Invitation to My Heart
by Intangible Lollipop
Summary: HPDM slashorama. PROJECT SUSPENDED INDEFINATELY.
1. Dance Break at Harry's

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~ Disclaimer: ALL CHARACTERS AND WHATNOT BELONG TO J.K ROWLING. IS THAT CRYSTAL CLEAR? FABBY. AND ALSO- ANYTHING YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE IS PROBABLY MINE, UNLESS I SAY OTHERWISE. SO DON'T GO USING IT WITHOUT MY PERMISION. AND NOW A POEM

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The stuff right here,

It isn't mine.

You wanna sue me?

Go ahead, fine.

I have two dollars,

And I'm not getting paid,

For writing this fiction,

End scene ::and fade::

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~ WARNING: EEEREEEREER!! WOOOOWAAAAAWOOOWAAAA!!

The following contains pairings of the slash variety. Which means basically, same sex relationships. OK? If you are freaked out by that sort of thing, run away and hide before purple elephants from the planet Winky-Dinky Frog Legs Sector 7 Alpha Beta Bits come and smash all homophobic- type peoples into tiny little dust particles.

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~ Feedback: Yes, of course. Critics welcome, just criticize me accordingly, and don't just say I suck. Flames will be used to roast chestnuts on an open fire, or, if it isn't winter, used to make s'mores, cause those are full of chocolate-y and marshmallow-y goodness. Mmmm s'mores. GREAT! NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE GONE AND DONE! I'M HUNGRY AGAIN, AND I JUST HAD DINNER!

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~ Pairing: Draco/Harry, the best kind. 

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~ POVS: varying, most in third person.

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~ Time Period: Harry & Co. are just starting their 7th year, starting at summer vacation.

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~ Thank you-s: I would like to thank my muses (my other personalities), who are as follows–

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Diana: The Shy

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Nemesis: The Intelligent

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Betty: The Hyper

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Gabby: The Shopper

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Oddy: The Mysterious

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Soapdish: The Soapy

And now

The fic!

YAY!

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A Menace to Society

Chapter One: Dance Break

Harry Potter was not a normal boy. He always knew he never was. But this, this took the cake. It proved, indefinitely, that he wasn't normal, even by wizarding standards. Hell, even by famous-for-defeating-very-annoying-and-evil-wizards standards. At least by _his _standards.

Harry Potter was gay.

And in love with the worst possible prospect, except possibly the dark lord himself.

Draco Malfoy.

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How, where, and when? Harry thought grimly to himself, _And more importantly, why?_

For these questions, he had no answers. It just sort of happened over time. Once, in Care of Magical Creatures, he caught himself staring at Draco, in what he, at the time, perceived to be with malice. He caught himself doing it _again_ in Potions. Then, when he realized that when he stared he was no longer thinking _Damn, I hate that git_, but instead was thinking _Damn, that git has nice abs, _he knew he was in trouble.

He _knew_ he was gay. That wasn't the problem. He had known in the middle of the 5th year, and had came out to the entire school at the beginning of his 6th. Ron, Hermione, and the other Gryffindors took it surprisingly well, along with fair few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. He would never forget the looks he got for a month after he came out, that was for sure. And still the Daily Prophet makes a big deal about it, even though he had been openly gay for nearly a year (At least in the wizarding world, telling the Dursleys he was gay would be like introducing yourself to Voldemort and saying, "Hello Voldie, I'm a Mudblood.). 

After he came out of the proverbial closet, he had gone out with Seamus. Then after a month of uncomfortable kissing and groping, they agreed to call it quits. They still have remained good friends, and Seamus had gone on to pursue a happy relationship with Dean Thomas.

It was after he became single when Harry got bumped up to number two on the unofficial Hogwarts most shaggable list. Draco Malfoy was number one. So it really wasn't a surprise when he found Draco attractive, most of Hogwarts' female and gay population already wanted to get in his pants, so Harry knew that he would start to crush on him eventually. But what surprised him was during the end term of 6th year, when Harry started looking at him with _more_ than lust. Instead, Harry looked at Draco with love.

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Malfoy Draco, he thought, _Why are you doing this to me?_

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Harry Potter was through with thinking. The Dursleys were out, and he planned to have some fun, in order to take his mind off things.

Going downstairs, he saw a silvery- yellow vase his Aunt Petunia got at a local flea- market. _It's the same color as Draco's hair_ he thought vaguely.

"This isn't working," He muttered to himself, "Maybe some music"

He turned on the radio in the living room, and fiddled with the tuner until he was listening to the top 50 for the day.

"And, thank you to Arillia, who gave us a generous donation for last Thursday's charity ball. Coming up next on Friday's top 50, is Number 16, Kylie Minogue with Can't Get You Out of my Head'"

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This won't help at all, thought Harry. 

But it was too late; the music was already playing

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~I just can't get you out of my head, 

Boy you're loving is all I think about.

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy, it's more then I dare to think about ~

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Too true, too true thought Harry, who was beginning to bob his head and sway his hips to the music.

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~ Every night, every day

Just to be there in your arms

Won't you stay, won't you lay?

Stay forever and ever and ever and ever

La La La ~

Throwing all caution to the wind, Harry began to dance about, while singing aloud to the lyrics, and using a rolling pin from the kitchen as his "Microphone."

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~ I just can't get you out of my head, 

Boy you're loving is all I think about.

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy, it's more then I dare to think about ~

Harry began to moonwalk, still singing _very _loudly

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~ There's a dark secret in me

Don't leave me locked in your heart

Set me free, feel the need in me

Set me free

Stay forever and ever and ever and ever ~

"La La" Sang Harry, doing even more ridiculous dance moves. But by that time the music had stopped playing.

He whipped his head to the stereo, still in mid- dance pose, and there stood all three Dursleys, looking from shocked (Petunia) to outrageously angry (Vernon) to slightly amused (Dudley).

After a _very _uncomfortable silence, Dudley spoke up first-

"Poof," stated Dudley sagely.

"Heh heh heh I can explain this" said Harry turning a very charming shade of crimson.

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To be continued (maybe)

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Ending Notes- Hi! All right, let me get a few things clear

I'm American, so please forgive any non- Britishyness I offer in this fic. This was is my very first fic, so be kind when you review. Visit Kylie Minogue's website, which is where I got the lyrics to her song http://www.kylie.com/ I don't know if I'll continue, it all depends on my feedback. I am very aware that the title has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it sounded cool. REVIEW! ****


	2. A Bigger Package (snigger)

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DISCLAIMER: No characters in this chapter belong to me, except Laila. Please ask me before using any material that is mine. I am not getting paid for writing this. I already mentioned this before, but it's better to be safe than broke.

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WARNINGS: Slash, some swearing.

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POV: Third person hovering over Draco's shoulder.

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PAIRING: Harry/ Draco.

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TIME PERIOD: the summer before 7th year.

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THANK YOU: Thanks to my muses, who have been working really hard! Also lots of thanks to the people that reviewed! I'm glad y'all thought it was funny; that's what I had been aiming for. **Tee,** (I am going to put the Dursleys' reaction in a couple chapters; this chapter, and the next, is all Draco.) **RandomBabbiling**, **KM**, **Black Dreamz**, **Bondagechic**, **Muesing, **and** sundance kid.**

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A/N: I was going to make this a one shot fic, but my reviews pushed me to making it a multi- chapter story. Also note that I was going to continue this chapter and make it longer, but I thought it better if I just make it with two parts. Possibly three, depends on what I want.

Onward to the fic!

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A Menace to Society, Invitation to my Heart

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Chapter Two- A Bigger Package (sniggers) 

Draco Malfoy was bored. Needless to say, he was never completely excited or anxious about _any_ activity, but at this very moment he was excruciatingly bored. And he still had an hour before Laila got here.

Laila Malfoy was one of the only reasons Draco didn't simply didn't give up the family name. He didn't really believe in all that crap about mudbloods being evil, and purebloods being superior. In fact, he agreed with Weasly (although he'd never admit it) when he said that if wizards hadn't married muggles they would have died out. It nearly made him sick to think of how inbred his _own_ family probably was. Laila was probably the only other Malfoy who agreed with him.

Laila was definitely not your average Malfoy. She was Draco's father's younger sister, and she was different to most Malfoy women in many ways. She had never married, she was always bright and cheerful, and she was a part of a society _against _you-know-who. 

She was also wealthier than all the other Malfoys put together.

When Draco's grandfather died, he left most of his money to Lucius, because Laila didn't have a husband. Laila, not to be outdone by her brother, decided that even though she was single, she would move to the USA to be an entrepreneur. 

She was now the owner of a wizarding candy chain called Sugar High,' which was the third successful in the globe, being first-rate in the Americas, some parts of Asia, and Australia.

Needless to say, Lucius was not pleased with her success. The only reason he put up with Laila's visitations was for the chance to show how hospitable' he could be, in hopes of getting some of her money. The term hospitable here is used very lightly, because Lucius and Narcissa are very cold when Laila visits; and after she leaves, they take time out of their busy schedule to complain about how truly _awful_ Laila is.

Draco was the only one who liked her visiting. She always bought Draco candy from her shop, and she was also a big fan of muggle music. Often, when she came over, she would bring some muggle CD's to put on very loudly and Laila and Draco would dance about. He would of course simply _die_ if anyone from Hogwarts saw him let lose like that. So it was a good thing he didn't have any brothers or sisters to blackmail him.

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Not that Lucius and Narcissa haven't tried Draco thought bitterly to himself. His mother and father always wanted another son, if Draco turned out to be unsuitable. That's one reason Draco was jealous of Harry, he didn't have these horrible expectations to live up to. Draco _really _didn't like his parents.

It wasn't as if his home life was bad, he just felt like he wasn't part of the family. He felt as if he was worth about as much as a house-elf in his father's eyes; nothing more than a piece of property. Lucius treated Draco as if he weren't worth raising, but it was necessary in order to carry on the family name.

On the brighter side of things, there was the money, lots and lots of it. Money has always been seen as a good thing in Draco's eyes, simply because it was the only perk of actually being a Malfoy. However, according to his father, another would be the chance to serve the dark lord.

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Voldemort Shmoldemort. Draco thought darkly,_ I'd rather serve Potter_

However, before he could finish this line of thought, Narcissa called from a floor below him, 

"Draco! Come to the foyer to meet your Aunt, Darling!" Draco brightened considerably at this, and would have skipped downstairs, if it were not forbidden in the Malfoy code'. [_Rule number nineteen- Malfoys do not skip.]_

He arrived in the foyer. The foyer was one of the most extravagantly (and in Draco's opinion, revoltingly) furnished places in the entire manor. Antique paintings, ancient furniture preserved by magic, and much more. 

The only piece Draco liked in the entire room was a small, beautifully carved, green box. It was a wedding gift to Lucius from Laila, so naturally it was in a very secluded place. It was jade, and inside of it was the Hebrew inscription- _I am my beloved and my beloved is mine_. It was small enough not to notice unless you knew it was there, yet large enough to support the carving of a large Chinese dragon, artistically interlaced with another. According to Laila, it was an engagement ring box from Taiwan, and she had engraved it with the inscription herself. Draco loved it, and he wished desperately that his father would tire of it, and give it to him. Draco wasn't exactly sure why he loved this box, but he knew he very much wanted it in his room, rather than the foyer.

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Any second now thought Draco. 

Almost at once, fire seemed to sprout up from the lavish green carpet, and revolve in spiral spurts. Then music began to play, quietly at first, but then Draco recognized it as Kid Rock's "American Badass" The magical, no- burn fire began to revolve in one dramatic spiral, and a woman apparated right into it's midst. She looked to be a female version of Lucius, except that her eyes seemed brighter, and she was, surprisingly, more muscular. 

The fire stopped spurting, and the music stopped playing. Standing there, Laila was wearing only _the most_ fashionable muggle leather ensemble in the world. She carried three separate packages and a suitcase; she would be staying the rest of the summer.

She squealed, rather then spoke, "Lucius!" in a full American accent. "It's been, like, forever!" she walked quickly over to him and shook is hand, knowing he detested hugging. She handed him one of the packages she carried, which Draco knew to be a gift.

"Narcissa," Laila said smiling, "How've ya been?" Narcissa nodded curtly, and accepted another package.

"Draco!" She ran over to Draco, and hugged him. "It's been too long! My, you are really looking handsome! Look at that outfit! Boy, you are _wearing_ that cloak!" She handed him another package.

Lucius and Narcissa already opened their gifts. Lucius received some beautifully made parchment and deep violet colored ink, and Narcissa got an intricately detailed silver necklace. 

Draco looked at his gift; it looked larger than the ones he had gotten in previous years did. He looked at Laila questioningly, and Laila grinned.

"Wait til later." She whispered, and winked.

"So Narcissa," said Laila, raising her voice, and turning to look at her sister-in-law "where shall we do lunch?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TBC~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Ending Notes: Apologies for not being British. 

Please forgive me`! Born and raised in the USA!

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, its not up to my usual par, but I'd appreciate it if you reviewed anyway. The next chapter is probably better than this, it's basically a continuation of this chapter, starting after Malfoy lunch (or during lunch, depends on my feedback). 

Laila is there for a reason; she's not just some random Mary-Sue. She helps Draco realize what he's been missing with Harry. (In general, of course, oh, you'll see I think I said too much)

Sorry for naming the chapter what it is, to quote

" Draco looked at his gift; it looked larger than the others" the gifts were in packages. Ergo, Draco had a larger package. **Gigglez insanely ** I couldn't resist! 

I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't slashy, but if you looked closely, there were very slight nuances of slash so slight you might have missed them. (If you're really want, email me and I'll point them out to you, just cause I wanna be helpful.)

REVIEW! KISS KISS!


	3. Realization Will Hit You (Like a Ton of ...

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DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Harry Potter, and if I did, I really wouldn't need to use ff.net to publish my stuff, would I? Please ask before using things that belong to me, like Laila and anything else related to her that's not in the books. I also own Mully the house elf. I do not own the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

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WARNINGS: Slash, swearing, mentions of rape (nothing graphic) Duh.

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POV: Third person at Malfoy Manor.

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PAIRING: In case you're so thick as you haven't noticed it before, Draco/Harry and NEW! Hints of Lucius/SURPRISE.

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THANKS: To my lovely muses, and to my even lovelier reviews who, for last chapter, are **bondagechic, Miyama Ishida, sundance kid, Catspook, Black Dreamz, exiledsaphire, loVsicK, Morien Alexander, Shila, **and** Love.** (If I forgot you, I'm so very sorry, and you get an imaginary piece of taffy.)

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TIME PERIOD: The summer before 7th year.

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FEEDBACK: Reviews are nice, and I love them. They make up for the fact that Spring Break ends tomorrow. (waaaah!) Criticism is OK, just tell me why I suck. Flames will be used to burn down things, because, as most of you know, I'm a semi- pyro.

A/N: You love me, you really love me! READ AND REVIEW! READ AND REVIEW! DON'T EAT THE SHOE! Wahoo!

Fic on the port bow! 

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Menace to Society, Invitation to My Heart

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Chapter Three- Realization Will Hit You (Like a Ton of Bricks)

After an emotionally uncomfortable lunch and dinner with Lucius and Narcissa, Laila and Draco were back in Aunt Laila's guest bedroom, lounging about and listening to —wait for it- Kylie Minogue.

"Well Draco, aren't you gonna open your present?" Asked Laila passively. Or rather, she was trying very hard to act passive, but was failing at it and looked reminiscent of a kid in one of her candy shops.

Draco shrugged and scooped up the gift from where he had placed it next to the bed. "All right."

He carefully undid the black bow and silver wrapping paper, which was charmed to flash green every few seconds. He pulled out the regular gifts, which were a few assorted prank prototypes she had been working on (**Magical Moss**- grows anywhere, flourishes in hair! And **Caffeine Drops-**One drop in any drink keeps you awake for three days!). Also included, the usual candy items (**Neverlasting Gobbstopper-** Dissolves in you're mouth in two seconds, but the taste lasts for hours! And **Snow Drops-** A drop adds flavor to any ordinary snowball (available in cherry, grape, strawberry and NEW pineapple.))

He also noticed that unfamiliar weight that he had felt earlier. When he pulled it out, it seemed to be a very pretty golden hand mirror, with a few rubies and sapphires adorning it.

"Nice," said Draco, "It's a little feminine for my tastes, but what sort of prank is it?"

Draco looked at his reflection carefully. Nothing, as far as he could see, had changed.

"Draco, dear, this is not a prank." Said Laila.

"Then what, a normal, regular, hand mirror?"

"Not exactly. Tell me, Draco, have you ever heard of the mirror of Erised?"

"I think so. Isn't that the mirror that shows you're deepest desire of" He trailed off in realization, "Oh my, this is it, isn't it?"

"It's not _the actual_ mirror. This is a duplicate. The real mirror is in Hogwarts, and it's bigger than this. This one also has modifications to it" Laila ceased, realizing Draco had stopped listening.

"Why aren't I seeing anything?" He asked, "I'm far from having everything I've ever wanted."

"At most times this mirror behaves like a normal mirror. You simply press that heart shaped ruby on the top of the mirror to turn it into the mirror of Erised." She spoke while indicating the ruby. "You simply need to tap it again to change it back to a hand mirror. Quite simple actually, no wands needed."

He tapped the ruby. Nothing happened. He looked over at his aunt, confused.

"Oh! That's right, I forgot. You have to be alone in order for _this_ version," she said, patting the back of the mirror affectionately. "To work properly."

Laila got up, winked at Draco, and left the room, closing the door firmly behind her with a loud click.

He sighed and looked over at the mirror, remembering that the Mirror of Erised was a dark arts item. He had never known his aunt to enjoy the dark arts. Perhaps this really _was_ a prank prototype.

He closed his eyes and pressed the ruby. When he opened them, someone he was definitely not expecting to see in the mirror, much less Malfoy Manor was standing over his shoulder, grinning like mad.

Harry Potter.

He yelped indignantly and spun around. Potter wasn't there. He turned back to the mirror. There he was again, still smiling like there was no tomorrow. Draco thought that some sort of fight between mirror-Potter and mirror-him was about to take place, so he sat on the bed and watched. 

He was quite surprised when the mirror-Potter started kissing his neck. He was even more shocked when his mirror self did not fight back. Draco's eyes widened in surprise, while his mirror-self closed his in contentment. 

When mirror-Draco started to kiss back, was when the real Draco stood up, and angrily pushed the ruby on the mirror. Potter vanished, leaving Draco staring into the mirror looking paler than he had ever seen himself look. 

That settled it. Out of all the pranks his Aunt had ever pulled on him, this was the worst. He walked back to his room and vowed to go talk with her in the morning. He really didn't think it was a dark art's item, after all.

As he slept, he dreamed of the scenario with the mirror all over again. Only in his dream, Potter never vanished, because Draco had never pressed the heart- shaped ruby.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~ (A/N: you didn't think I would leave you hanging, did you? Well, I usually do, but I won't. I believe I'm turning soft on you guys!)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

^^^THE NEXT MORNING; AT THE MANOR, IN LAILA'S BEDROOM ^^^

Laila awoke to see an angry pair of steel-blue eyes glaring at her. Thinking it was Lucius; she grabbed a pillow and smacked him with it.

"Hey!" shouted a voice, definitely not Lucius', "That _hurt_!"

Laila sat up, "Oh, Draco hun, sorry. You know how I get in the mornings." She shook her head to clear thoughts of how she had given her dorm mate at Hogwarts a concussion when she tried to wake her up by yelling in Laila's ear. Laila had responded, still half asleep, by taking the nearest object and hitting her on the head with it. Unfortunately for her dorm mate, the nearest object happened to be Laila's karaoke trophy she had won the night before.

"What were you trying to do, giving me that damned mirror?" Yelled Draco furiously, "that was the meanest prank yet!"

"What prank?" asked Laila. She didn't have that normal mischievous face that she usually had plastered on after she pulled a successful prank. She looked generally confused. This irked Draco quite a bit.

Draco continued ranting, a little less sure of himself, "B-but, The mirror, you charmed it to behave like the _opposite _of Erised, right? Showing me what I _least_ want?"

"No." said Laila.

"B-but, the thing I saw in the mirror, I don't want it to happen!"

"Really?" said Laila, looking at Draco skeptically, "What did you see?"

"I saw I saw, um, eh the person, and he was"

"Huh?" said Laila, "In English, if you don't mind."

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~ Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Laila and her nephew, all the commotion had attracted the attention of Mully the house-elf. Mully carefully pressed one of his bat-like ears against the crack of the door to Laila's bedroom. ~

Draco looked downcast, "I saw, a guy. You know, he was umm my age, and um" Draco didn't think it necessary to reveal too much information. Although he felt he could talk to his aunt about anything, he didn't know his aunt's opinion on homosexuals. 

"Yes go on" Said Laila.

"And the thing is he was"

"Ya?"

"He was kissing me." Draco admitted, turning redder than any shade of Weasly hair. He looked carefully at his aunt, and was somewhat stunned when he saw she had a look of understanding on her face.

"Did you like it?" she asked, and then smacked he forehead, "Duh Laila, of course he liked it, the mirror shows whatever your deepest desire is." She said to herself.

"But it's rediculous! I don't love him! I don't even like him! I hate him!" Said Draco, and then suddenly looked and felt really tired.

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Do I? **Thought Draco**Do I really hate him? Sure, I was angry with him for not accepting alliance with me, but that was seven years ago And he always beats me in quidditch, unless it has something to do with Voldemort. A lot of people are better at quidditch then me, why should I hate him about that? I don't believe there is a reason that I should actually hate him that isn't based on what my family said. Come to think of it, when have I ever been in love with a girl, anyway? And yet I've always felt passionate about him

Was it really hate?

With that, Draco collapsed on the bed, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. _No It was never hate. It was love. I never got along with him in the beginning because of my father, and now that I've learned to rebel, it's too late. Too late_

Draco sat up, "All right, all right, _maybe_ I fancy him. He hates me, though, it would never happen. It's as unlikely as you being in Slytherin." As well as being the black sheep in the family for everything else, Laila was also in Ravenclaw at Hogwarts.

"What makes you think it would never happen?" asked Laila.

"This boy and I are notorious rivals, even in quidditch."

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MEANWHILE

~ Outside the door, Mully had heard enough. He went to find his master and tell him of the news-

"Master," spoke Mully timidly, "Mully has bad news sir." Mully bowed his had gravely.

"What s it?" asked Lucius tiredly, thinking it would be something trivial like a towel being misplaced.

"Sir's son is in love with someone."

This shocked Lucius to no small extent. "What?" he asked.

"A _male_ someone." Said Mully with wide eyes.

This disgusted Lucius to no small extent. His eyes narrowed into cold slits; "You lie."

"Mully cannot lie sir, ever since that spell was put on Mully." 

Lucius nodded. A spell was put on all of his house elves so they would not be able to lie within the confines of the manor. Bindings to their masters are more powerful than any House elf magic.

"Lead the way, Mully." Spoke Lucius in an icy tone. Draco was in love. Lucius would see to it that the person he was in love with would be female.

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**__**

WHILST THAT WAS HAPPENING- BACK IN LAILA'S ROOM

"Draco, do you know why the Mirror of Erised is a tool of the Dark Arts?"

Draco shrugged, wondering why all of a sudden this change in subject.

Laila spoke again. "Because, dear, The Mirror of Erised has the power to control a person's emotions. Once a person sees what's in the mirror, they will go mad, because of the happiness the mirror puts in them that nothing else could. It's a drug, so you see? I charmed this mirror so it will only show your deepest desire that could actually have a good chance of working out, so you can go out and accomplish it, I would never give you a dark arts item intentionally, hun, that's your father."

Draco laughed softly and nodded in understanding. He thought that Laila would never give him Dark Art things, his father however would. _I charmed this mirror so it will only show your deepest desire that could actually have a good chance of working. _His aunt's words wrung in his head like a bell. 

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It could happen, really happen? He thought. He didn't realize he had spoken aloud until his aunt replied-

"Only if you build a road for fate to take."

Draco had no time to ponder this, but it was an affirmative answer, so that was all that mattered.

"Who is he?" Asked Laila.

"I'm not telling, you will find out for yourself if we get together." Said Draco stubbornly.

"Let me guess ok He and you are rivals at quidditch, notorious ones at that Ravenclaw had an all girl team last year; so that's no good, Hufflepuff" she started, but heard Draco scoff. 

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Definitely not, Thought Draco, _She has a really good memory if she can remember all the people on the quidditch team. But then again, she's the only member of my family who remembers my birthday._

"Right, not a Hufflepuff, O.K not a Slytherin because they're on your team, so it has to be on the Gryffindor team," she looked up to see Draco nod, and her eyes rolled back to see a minds eye picture of the Gryffindor team "Right then. Not them cause they're girls, and they are _far _too young And Weasly's as straight as a pin, so then Oh my" her eyes snapped back into place.

"Harry Potter?" She whispered incredulously. "Whoa!"

"Ding ding ding ding we have a winner." Draco said grimly.

"It's not necessarily a _bad_ thing." She shrugged, "Just depends on your point of view."

"What about Lucius?" Asked Draco, throwing his arms up in the air dramatically "He would kill me if I was dating a boy, much less the one who lived!"

"Screw Lucius!" she said happily, "not to be taken literally, of course." Laila then started to laugh maniacally.

Draco settled for staring at her as if she were insane which, he reminded him self, she was.

Laila stopped laughing and put on a solemn face, which wasn't all that solemn. "Seriously though, that's what you saw?"

Draco nodded.

"Well then, you do realize that your feelings for him probably go deeper than you thought?"

Draco nodded again.

"Well Draco, one more question - what would you do to Harry if all your inhibitions were gone, and you could go and do anything you like, no repercussions?"

Draco had never thought about this, and when he did it seemed obvious, "I would go up to Harry and kiss him like he's never been kissed before." Said Draco grinning broadly.

"That-a boy, Draco!" Said Laila. "Let's go out to lunch to celebrate your newfound sexuality! How Draco Got His Groove Back, they really should make that into a movie." Draco laughed.

Laila was still in her jimjams, so she quickly changed while Draco started down to the foyer to go to lunch. He was however, intercepted in the middle of the foyer by a very angry Lucius, followed shortly by a timid house elf he recognized as Mully.

"Hello father." Said Draco.

"Son, our house elf here has had some quite wild speculations of something you have said." Said Lucius, without ceremony.

"Really?" Said Draco, looking bored as he always managed to do around his father. "What about?"

"No more games," Said Lucius, his eyes now narrow slits. He violently shoved Draco back against a wall. "What are you?" He asked, nearly splitting with rage.

"Libra on the cusp of Scorpio, you?" He said sarcastically, remembering the line from an episode of _Buffy_ his Laila insisted they watch last night.

Lucius' eyes narrowed. "ARE YOU GAY OR NOT, YOU LITTLE FUCK!" He yelled, slamming Draco into the wall again.

Draco attempted to remove himself from Lucius' vise-like grip, but his struggles were in vain. "Even if I am" breathed Draco, "What gives you the excuse to do this? I am your SON!"

"You are no son of mine." Said Lucius slowly, releasing Draco, but punching him in the stomach, making him crumple to the ground. "You are not my son. I'll give you fifteen minutes to get out of my house. Pack only things that have been given to you as gifts, the things your mother and I have bought remain here, with us. I'll know what you take, I always do. In fifteen minutes, boy, you are dead to me. I will not mourn your passing."

"Where's mother, I'm sure she would have something to say on the matter"

"Your mother is out shopping, but she wouldn't care anyway. Nor do I."

"But I'm your son" Draco muttered weakly again.

"I believe you are mistaken, no Malfoy can be like that" Lucius stuttered.

"What, homosexual?" Said a voice from the doorway leading into the foyer.

Laila narrowed her eyes and walked up to Lucius. She was around his height, but somehow manage to look oh so much larger than Lucius ever could. "That's very hypocritical of you Lucius, you go around nightly murdering innocent people for no good reason, and then disown your son for liking a guy, even though _he_ has stood by your side, even when you were sentenced to a year in Azkaban?" 

"That's not hypocritical." Stated Lucius.

"You're right; that's dramatic irony," she said, smiling evilly, "What's hypocritical is that you're disowning your son for something that you have done yourself."

Draco looked up, shocked. _Lucius loved a man?_

Lucius' eyes opened wide, before closing; with anger or pain Draco didn't know which. "You promised me you would never mention that again, Laila."

"Desperate times call for desperate measure, Lucius." She said, before adding, "you worthless piece of cow dung."

"I was _young_ and _stupid_." He argued.

"You still are stupid, Lucius." Said Draco, getting to his feet, "Laila, did he really date a man?"

"Yes he did, a former friend, and my current coworker, one _Severus Snape_." Laila hissed.

Draco was so shocked in comprehending this information about Lucius' ex- love lives that he didn't even think about what Laila said about Snape being Laila's coworker.

"Then why is he disowning me?"

"Good question, Draco, well, Lucius really is just a hypocritical ass with no conscience." Said Laila sneering with all the sarcasm and natural Malfoyesque attitude she could muster.

"I don't want him to be like that because he's more like his mother than I." Said Lucius, "Narcissa stays on one opinion all the time, she never changes her mind about anything, much like Draco here. I change my mind often enough. I redeem myself for past mistakes-

"Then why don't you turn yourself into the ministry and be done with it?" Draco said sarcastically, " The day you redeem yourself is the day I turn straight."

Lucius shot him a glare that could melt iron and continued, "For example, I redeemed myself after I slept with Severus. Remember Karma, my dear sister?"

Laila visibly stiffened at this, but otherwise remained silent.

"Remember that day, I raped her and broke her. By the time I was through with her, she was begging for more, and then I snapped her neck like a twig. Best day of my life, really." Lucius said, a hideous combination dreamy/psychotic look in his eyes.

Laila was done with patience. She got her revenge by clamping her brother up by the neck with one hand and apparently genetic vise-grip and shouting "I loved her you ass! I loved Karma dammit, and I know that's the only reason you took her from me, Severus had nothing to do with it!"

"You're right, Severus had nothing to do with it." Said Lucius struggling for air, "But Karma's a whore."

"Well Lucius, you know what they say," Laila said, picking up a heavy iron lump, that was supposedly a sculpture, "Karma's a whore," she raised the sculpture over his head, "and paybacks a bitch." With that, she slammed it down on his head. Lucius fell to the ground, unconscious.

Draco let out a whoop, before walking over to Laila. "Who's Karma?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Karma was my girlfriend in Hogwarts. I loved her very much, and then" she trailed off.

Draco patted her shoulder reassuringly and after a while of silence said softly, "You never told me you were gay."

"One: I'm bisexual; Two: you never asked." She smiled at him.

"Well, you're disowned, now go pack your things, and you'll come and be _my_ heir. I need one."

Draco laughed and went upstairs to pack. _Only gifts only gifts Lucius is an ass, I'm only allowed to pack gifts gifts from other people _he thought.

After about ten minutes of searching his room for gifts and packing them, he went downstairs to meet his aunt in the foyer. There she was, sitting in a comfy chair, suitcase of her own stuff sitting next to her. 

"Hello," she said happily, "had to make sure _he_ stayed unconscious." She looked pointedly at Lucius, who was currently on the floor before her. She frowned when Lucius stirred, hitting him on the head with something she had quickly grabbed off the side table.

Not realizing what she picked up, she furrowed her eyebrows and looked at it.

"Hey! Look at that! It's the wedding gift I gave to Lucius," she smiled and looked over the jade Taiwanese ring box, "Well, you snooze you lose and this guy," Laila kicked Lucius, who was still unconscious, "is definitely snoozing."

Draco looked fondly upon the jade box. "May I have it?" He asked, he then straightened up and said in his best I'm-Lucius-Malfoy-and-I-own-your-ass voice "I have all ways known it was too good for Lucius and Narcissa to take care of, _I_ deserve it." He raised his nose to the air and huffed as he had seen Narcissa often do.

Laila laughed, picked up their suitcases and responded, "Of course _you_ can have it, it's blessed so it gives good luck to the beholder if he's in love." She winked at Draco, "Come now, we must be going if we're going to apparate to Hogsmeade before rush hour. You're going to live with me." Draco felt inexplicably giddy at this statement as they walked out of the manor.

He could be giddy now that he was no longer Lucius' son. Rule #12 of the Malfoy Code says _Malfoys shall not be giddy._ However, Rule #1 was _Malfoys do not go and fall in love with members of the same sex, _so he figured that he and his aunt no longer counted as Malfoys.

__

I really couldn't be happier thought Draco _I get to go live with my very rich aunt and be her heir, do what ever I want, become a completely different person, fall in love with whom ever I want, and never have to see my mother and father ever again._ He was quite happy considering he just got disowned.

"Is you're new place in Hogsmeade, Aunt Laila, or are you just opening a shop there?" He asked, still quite giddy. _Couldn't be happier_

"Did I forget to tell you? We're going to apparate to Hogsmeade then take the 11 o' clock to Hogwarts."

"Why?" _Still pretty happy couldn't be happier_

"I'm your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

__

Scratch that thought Draco again, _I definitely could live without my aunt being my teacher, and definitely could go another month without seeing my _other_ professors again, but, as they say in the USA, It's all good._

As he and his aunt apparated to spend what Draco would forever call "The Best Ever Summer Vacation", he couldn't help think about what he could do for what he would later call "The Harry Potter Situation." (**A/n**: hey look, I rhymed!)

END CHAPTER THREE ~~~TBC~~~

****

Ending Notes: WOW! 3,933 words! My longest chapter yet! Now it's 3,941 words, and now it's 3,946 words, and well, this could go on all-night so I'll just stop there.

Isn't Lucius hella mean in this fic? Sorry to all you Lucius fans, but I needed some excuse for Draco to live with his Aunt.

Laila is cool. At least in my opinion, but I made her, so I'm biased.

My friend reminded me to put this in my fic: Super sorry if I put anything that belongs to you in this fic; it was unintentional.

I love you all. Really, I'm serious, I do. Why are you looking at me so funny? I really love you. NO DON'T CALL THE MANGOES! THE MANGOES ATE MY DOUGHNUT! Ahem anywho

By the way, if you have too much time on your hands, would you mind reading my other fic called Demeter's Story? I worked super hard on it and I only have three reviews, and I got two chapters posted. I know, pathetic of me to ask, but as Laila said "Desperate times call for desperate measures." It's basically your run-of-the mill Mary sue- story except _mine's_ hella funny, especially at the end of chapter two. No romances though, so that's too bad.

SO REVIEW! KISS KISS!


	4. A Chance Encounter

**After a really motherfucking' long hiatus, I'm back and ready for writing!**

**If y'all are wondering why I haven't updated in oh... 3 years... I will update my profile with the whole bleeding' story, in the meantime I'm getting this show on the road!**

**Much thanks to all my reviewers, of whom I shall write a special thank you to soon.**

**Menace to Society, Invitation to my Heart.**

**Chapter 4- A Chance Encounter**

Harry sighed... for now was the Winter... scratch that, Summer of his discontent...

He turned over in his bed in the Leaky Cauldron. After the Durlsey's had banished him for all eternity and then some from the house on Privet Drive, he was forced to rent a room in the pub to stay in for the few days remaining in his vacation.

"I don't give a damn if there is some sort of Hiddly-Diddly evil wizard after you, you're out and NEVER coming back!" Vernon Dursley yelled. It was quite beyond Harry what Hiddly-Diddly meant, but he understood the rest of the sentence perfectly- the Dursleys had gotten too weirded out by him, and had finally thrown him out.

_No matter..._ thought Harry, _Wasn't as though I was going to stick around the second I became of age anyway..._

Harry sighed. Loosing his so-called home wasn't too bad... really... he'd even owled Dumbledore to ask for advice. Dumbledore had said due to the term starting in a mere week and Voldemort lying low lately, it was safe to stay in the room he'd rented... as long as he stayed out of sight until he needed to purchase his books.

_His books... well, nows a good a time as any really, no time like the present and all that nonsense._ And with that Harry moved his arse out of bed and into some clothes and shoes to go shopping for this years necessary school supplies.

First, as always, he'd stopped by the bank to pick up some money needed, and a little extra should something catch his fancy.

He'd picked up the necessary books, and vowed to try extra-hard in potions to make his dreams of becoming an Auror a reality. After purchasing a few necessities for potions, as well as some special treats for Hedwig, he decided to by a new set of robes at the local store before heading back to his room.

As he was about to enter the shop, Harry noticed he wasn't the only one out for some new clothing, as Malfoy stood in the shop himself, being fussed over by what seemed to be an excitable blonde woman in leather pants. Harry shrugged. _Malfoy has the right to buy robes, shouldn't stop me..._ Harry entered the shop.

Both Malfoy and the woman whom he was with looked at the door as he entered, and did a double take. Harry suddenly became self-conscious, and blushed slightly as he looked around. A witch who obviously worked there told Harry to make himself comfortable, they had a large order from the blonde gentleman and his Aunt and it would take a while to fill.

_So the woman is his Aunt, well, I can see the family resemblance... _Harry mused. He took the nearest empty seat, which was in front of the Malfoys. Harry took out a book for this year and began reading, if only to prevent himself from checking out Malfoy's behind, which was directly in front of Harry as Draco had turned around.

"Do you really think it looks alright?" Harry heard Draco ask, trying to ignore the other boy's presence in the shop.

"You look fabulous darling, he won't be able to keep his hands off you!" The woman squealed.

The first thing Harry noticed was that the woman was obviously from the states. The second was more peculiar-- _Did she say HE would be unable to keep HIS hands off him?_ Thought Harry wildly. He tried to again eaves drop, but after an insistent hush from Draco, Harry could hear no more, so he went back to reading.

"All set!" Harry heard minutes later, from the same witch who had told him to take a seat. "Mr. Malfoy, it's been a pleasure, we hope you come back soon!"

"Indeed," said Malfoy's aunt, "the service here was quite admirable! We shall return!"

"Thank you very much. It's always a pleasure... Ms. Malfoy." spoke the witch again.

"Please, love, call me Laila."

"Right-o then. Laila. Draco, take care of yourself."

"I will. Thanks for your help."

Harry dropped the book he may or may not have been pretending to read. _Did Malfoy just say thank you!_ He looked up, and nearly fell off his chair.

Malfoy was standing there, in an outfit. _well... it was quite an outfit... _Harry ogled. He was wearing a loose green robe, over a black dress shirt which clung nicely to his abs. He finished off the ensemble with some black jeans that accented his hips, and a pair of the suavest looking leather boots Harry had seen in his life. His hair, for once, hadn't been greased down, but looked casually underbrushed and silky. _Damnit he's spotted me... _thought Harry, _Gods, he's seen me checking him out, but how can he blame me?_

"Potter! Surprises abound today indeed..." Malfoy smiled. Not smirked, but smiled. Harry nearly toppled off his chair again. _He's smiled at me, now I can die happy..._ Harry tried to smile back, but found the right side of his face had lost all contact with his brain. What he got was a lopsided grin.

"Malfoy," choked out Harry. "You're looking... well."

"Indeed." Enter the Malfoy Smirk (TM) "Have I introduced you to my aunt, Laila?" Said Draco, casually referring to the woman behind him, who stepped forward and smiled.

"Oh? You must be Harry Potter! It certainly is a pleasure" she grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. "Ah yes, Draco certainly has spoken of you before." said Laila with a sly wink. Harry noticed that Malfoy blushed visibly at this remark, and was somewhat relieved that they were both embarrassed by the chance meeting.

"Oh but we must do lunch!" exclaimed Laila. "Come come, Harry, Drake, I know of this wonderful little family-owned deli, a little round the corner, it serves the best sandwiches!" Laila Malfoy sauntered out the door, and the two boys glanced at each other, Draco seeming amused. Harry just shrugged and, plans of purchasing robes forgotten, followed the woman out the door, and through Diagon alley. Draco, surprised yet secretly delighted by Harry's actions, followed Harry. Neither Laila nor Harry saw the gleam of happiness in Draco's eyes as he rushed to catch up to Harry, and maybe walk with him on the way to the restaurant. _This may work out yet, _thought Draco, catching Harry's eye and giving him a smile. Harry blushed, and grinned back nervously. _This may just work out..._

**End Chapter 4!**

**Well, my first chapter written after a few-year long hiatus. What do you think, better, worse, all right, spiffy? Please review, and I'll update soon. :nod nod:**

**Sorry it was brief, but I haven't written in 2-3 years, so I haven't a clue if it's even good... hopefully my next chapter will be longer.**


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